It is hard to put in words the devastating effect/impact abuse (emotional and/or physical) can have on a person, especially their psyche. In addition, emotional abuse is not any less painful because the physical scars are absent. It is just as painful, if not worse. For millions of women across the globe, and those in Africa, domestic violence, a form of abuse, is commonplace and a way of life. In fact, some women believe that when a man hits them, it is a symbol of love. It is a very sick and twisted thinking but some truly believe this.
In 2009, we saw the sad case of abuse play out on screens across the globe with Rihanna and Chris Brown’s domestic violence incidence. You all know the story, if not, google it. Brown has since obtained help at least as to that incident. Society has also punished him severely. Indeed if you ask me, his gazillion tattoos look more like a reminder of the cross and stigma he will have to bear for a long time to come.
In any event, fast forward three years later and Rihanna admits to Rolling Stone Magazine, in its upcoming issue, that she is now dating Chris Brown, again. Is this return to her abuser a showing of true love or just a woman in denial?
I believe people can and do change. However is Chris Brown really a changed man? Last year he was in an alleged physical altercation with Drake where he suffered a cut to his chin. Just this week, we heard about a physical altercation with Frank Ocean.
You be the judge.
Excerpt from Rolling Stone feature:
On even her best friend not being allowed to talk to her about Chris Brown: “I just felt like, why bother? Nobody else is going through it. Nobody would understand.”
On being mad at Chris Brown for a really long time: “I wanted him to know what it felt like to lose me. To feel the consequences of that. So when that (stuff) came back it hit me like a ton of bricks. Like, God, you’ve got to be kidding right now. But I got real with myself, and I just couldn’t bury the way I felt.”
On knowing she would be opening herself up to criticism for reuniting with Chris Brown: “I decided it was more important for me to be happy, and I wasn’t going to let anybody’s opinion get in the way of that. Even if it’s a mistake, it’s my mistake. After being tormented for so many years, being angry and dark, I’d rather just live my truth and take the backlash. I can handle it.
On people being upset about her reunion with Chris Brown: “When you add up the pieces from the outside, it’s not the cutest puzzle in the world. You see us walking somewhere, driving somewhere, in the studio, in the club, and you think you know. But it’s different now. We don’t have those types of arguments anymore. We talk about (stuff). We value each other. We know exactly what we have now, and we don’t want to lose that.”
On the opinion that Chris Brown still hasn’t changed, based on his behavior: “I know it comes off like that. And it doesn’t help. For a long time he was really angry, and he felt like he couldn’t get away from it, no matter what he did. But there’s so many reasons why I ever reconsidered having him in my life. He’s not the monster everybody thinks. He’s a good person. He has a fantastic heart. He’s giving and loving. And he’s fun to be around. That’s what I love about him – he always makes me laugh. All I want to do is laugh, really – and I do that with him.”
On believing that Chris Brown has changed: “Of course everybody has their opinion about him, because of what he’s done. That will always be there. But he made a mistake, and he’s paid his dues. He’s paid so much. And I know that’s not a place he would ever want to go back to. And sometimes people need support and encouragement, instead of ridicule and criticism and bashing.”
On being the one to support Chris Brown: “Wait. You think I’m here to rehabilitate Chris? No, no, no. That is not my purpose. Trust me. I could have done that from the jump if I thought that was my job. My job was to take care of myself – and I did. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think Chris was ready.”
On people being worried about her with Chris Brown: “I know. And trust me – it makes me feel great to know that people care. I guess it’s just something that will show with time. There’s nothing I could say that would convince you right now. But we’re in a great place. And I can’t ever see us going back.”
On how much she will put up with from Chris Brown going forward: “Listen, I’ll tell you right now: I don’t have to take it. If he gives me that again, here’s what I give him: nothing. I just walk away. He doesn’t have that luxury of (expletive) up again. That’s just not an option. I can’t say that nothing else will go wrong. But I’m pretty solid in knowing that he’s disgusted by that. And I wouldn’t have gone this far if I ever thought that was a possibility.”
On calling her album Unapologetic as an answer to everyone who thinks she should be a better role model: “I could never tell a 10-year-old to look at me, because I know I’m not perfect. That’s not what I signed up for.”
On reports that she’d fallen out with Katy Perry over Perry’s decision to date John Mayer: “Katy Perry can date anyone she wants. Besides, who the (expletive) am I to say anything? I could never give relationship advice to anybody!”
On if she wants to have babies someday: “Hell, yeah. But I wish I could order them.”