One of the reasons I am very insistent that women have a voice in Africa’s music industry is because women are natural storytellers. Women also go through life experiences that are remarkably different from men. In July of this 2012, I introduced you to the engineer turned singer, ADAKU, with her debut song ‘Or You Can.’ In that feature, I told you she was an AML artist to watch. Adaku had just finished her masters program in electrical engineering but was very passionate about music. Adaku continues to show why I am right on the money that she is an artist to watch. She has all the makings of a star and delivers once again with this powerfully emotional and culturally impactful song that can help many in abusive relationships, especially women.
This song was sent to me a couple of months ago. Thankfully, I managed to find it in the over 2,800 Mp3s in one of my many email accounts, just yesterday.
Ladies, fellas, we often look for abuse in relationships in the form of physical or verbal abuse. However, there is also another type of abuse that Adaku’s song speaks to. It is the silent treatment. It is just as potent. It strips the recipient of his/her self confidence, it is narcissistic, highly controlling and emotionally, extremely abusive. When in it, you may not even realize you are in it and may come up with so many excuses but, it is not okay. When you become aware, you should take your shoes off and run for your life from such abusive situation.
When I listened to Adaku’s song, she displayed such powerful songwriting skills, I had to go research the topic even more. I particularly like the part she talks about being put on “probation” and how she ultimately, at the end, lets go including her word play saying “no more prescriptions.”
This song has such great crossover appeal and this young woman remains an AML artist to watch that some of you record label heads, reading this, should scoop up quickly!
Here is an excerpt of a great article I found on the topic:
“Whether you’re on the giving or the receiving end, shutting down is bad for your relationships.
Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored. When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is — other than physical abuse. Likewise, the silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way of attempting to control your partner or others into doing what you want them to do. It is a withdrawal of approval, and can cause much fear in people who are vulnerable to this.
You are giving people the silent treatment when you shut down to them, closing your heart and refusing to interact with them or acknowledge their presence. You act as if they are invisible, not responding to them at all or giving them a very minimal and withheld response. Your hope in treating them this way is that they will get the message that they have displeased you. They have done something wrong in your eyes and deserve to be punished, deserve to have your “love” taken away.
Of course, what you are taking away is not love at all, since love is unconditional. What you are taking away is your approval, and for approval-dependent people, it is a powerful form of control.
While it may seem to you to work for the moment, there are huge negative consequences following the silent treatment. While your partner may scurry around to try to please you and get you to reconnect with him or her, the fact that you have so deeply disconnected creates feelings of heartache in your partner, that may eventually lead to the end of the relationship. What seems to work for the moment may lead to exactly what you don’t want in the long run. . .” – Read the rest at Your Tango, Best Love Life.
LISTEN TO ADAKU’S SILENT TREATMENT