Where do I begin with this post? Phew! If there is one thing I know both on a personal and professional level, it is that we all have our problems. It is one of the main reasons I have refused to ever let ANYONE make me feel inferior whether they be rich, poor, black, white, fat, thin, ugly, beautiful, President of the United States or street cleaner. We all have our problems. Some more pronounced than others. Also, as harsh as this may sound, majority of the time, no one wants to hear your problems. In the final analysis, I have found, keep your problems to yourself and your family. It just is what it is.
Further, truth be told, 99% of the time, the way we live our lives is what brings on the problems we have in the first place. Every step of the way, we have choices and the choices we make have consequences. Often, especially in today’s day and age, MANY refuse to own responsibility for the CHOICES they make that brings on the problems. Worse, some don’t even see it. They cannot connect the dots.
Since we all have problems, AML industry, YOUR problems should not take center stage in the public so that you become the laughing stock as in the case 0f our African sister Kola Boof v. Kimora Lee Simmons v. our African brother Djimon Hounsou. Indeed, specific to Africans and even more specifically in Nigeria’s creative industries, I have said we have a pattern and practice of getting on the public highway and just disclosing all the “dirty” details we can when we have issues with others. It appears to be a cultural thing but I believe we can kick this very bad habit. When I was growing up in Lagos, it was not uncommon to see women, involved in fights with others, get on the streets and reveal all they possibly could about the person they had issues with. The goal was to disgrace that other person but they ended up looking nothing short of stupid; and had only hurt emotions to show for.
I have witnessed this cultural bad habit spill online in the African community. However, especially for industry people, acting in such a manner is simply NOT negotiable. You just don’t do that. The public forum is not the place to share information about your disputes for so many reasons:
First, the public will NOT fix your pain. In the Kola Boof v. Kimora Lee Simmons v. Djimon Hounsou case, the public has NOT fixed the glaring pain and motive that has caused Kola Boof to do this tell it all released to the media. Boof says years ago, an hour before going in for brain cancer surgey, Kimora Lee revealed to her that she had slept with Boof’s man. She said that information, given the circumstances she was in, caused her indescribable pain.
How has her “tell it all” fixed the pain?
Second, you end up looking mentally deranged and the person who truly wronged you, looks angelic. When you share your “beef,” emails, drama etc. in the public (including on twitter, via press releases etc.) about how someone wronged you, if they do not engage, you seriously look stupid and worse mentally deranged. This is because half the time, what you share is so incredibly unreal, people have a hard time believing it absent solid evidence. The people you want to believe you never do. In fact they think you are mentally off and that will probably hurt worse. Now what? In Boof’s case, it is even worse because she does have mental health history. Newsflash, millions of Americans have mental health issues and they move on with life and do quite okay. I suspect millions of Nigerians do, albeit kept hush, hush. Mental health issue is not a death sentence.
Third, there is a court of law. Lawyers are there to help fix your problems i.e. sue or prevent them in the first place i.e. contract drafting, negotiations etc. Get them on board from day one! If you cannot afford a lawyer, whether you are in Africa, Asia, UK or USA, there are free legal aid organizations that offer legal help to help you. FIND THEM AND GET THE HELP YOU NEED! Don’t get on the internet and look retarded.
Fourth, let sleeping dogs lie. I believe we are all crazy. Some of us are crazier than others. For some of us, it takes certain tragedies, persons we meet etc. to bring that craziness out of us. Such circumstances, in certain instances as in Boof’s case, might mean there is nothing to loose. Accordingly, when you choose to mess with people, make sure you know who you messing with. Otherwise, let sleeping dogs lie.
Fifth, you could get sued for defamation, libel and/or slander when you drag “beef” you allegedly have with people into the public. If you have nothing to loose, fine. If you do, then let me paint the reality of lawsuits for you: 1) They cost money and regardless of how rich you are, you can go bankrupt defending a lawsuit; 2) it is emotionally draining. Your lawyer will handle your legal battle but you still gotta check in and be involved in the process, certainly during trial time; and 3) the bad publicity is bad for business. You want to make money not loose money.
Finally, DISCIPLINE CREATES FREEDOM.- I was on Facebook a couple of days ago when I saw the quote “discipline creates freedom” as an update of one of my FB friend’s. How profound. Whether you are in the industry or outside of, discipline in achieving your career goals is essential to have a decent future ahead. You don’t want babies, wrap that sucker up. You don’t want HIV/AIDS, again protect yourselves. You don’t want drama in your lives, stay away from drama. Drama knocks, tell drama you are not home. In fact, don’t answer the door. Many times, it is least about the truthfulness of what is being said about you. It is about why in the first place your name would be dragged in the middle of drama?
Kola Boof released the statement below after Kimora Lee threatened to sue her for slander based on her statements that her affair with Hounsou was the cause of a Djimon and Lee split, among other things. Excerpts of her statement below:
WHAT HAPPENED KOLA?:
For four years (starting 3 weeks after Kimora Lee Simmons ‘faux’ West African wedding to actor Djimon Hounsou in the country of Benin)….I took part in an adulterous affair with Ms. Simmons’ man. I can honestly say that I slept with her husband more than she did the last four years.
It should also be noted that I had a sexual relationship with Mr. Hounsou many, many years prior to the ‘marriage’, before he even knew Ms. Simmons.
Djimon and Kimora of course have never been legally married. His only legal wife is a much older woman named Marie in France. Marie basically bankrolled him during his youthful model days. Djimon also has an African wife given to him by his tribe in Benin (and a set of children by her).
Today is June 14th, 2012. But a few months ago…my affair with Djimon caused so much strife within their coupling that Djimon Hounsou walked out on Ms. Simmons. (To be fair, financial issues also played a significant role, though I am not privy to information on that. I just know that Kimora deeply wounded Djimon one day by calling him a ‘broke nigga’–he told me and my adoptive Black American mother, Claudine Johnson, about it in late January).
I’m not sure what day exactly Djimon walked out for the final time (he had actually stayed gone from home a few times before the walk out)….but I do know that I was overjoyed…and not in the way you are expecting.
First of all….after Djimon left Kimora….I made it clear that I would never sleep with him again. Just as you saw published in my interview with the NY DAILY NEWS…I informed him that the only reason I had sex with him was to get revenge on Kimora. With their breakup, I didn’t (and don’t) want it anymore.
And let me make this perfectly clear—I would never sleep with any other woman’s husband just for recreation. Only Kimora’s. I myself was married for 10 years to an absolutely wonderful man, a Black Man who treated me (and still treats me and our sons) like royalty. So I identify with the wife’s role just as strongly as Kimora knows the golddigging homewrecker role–don’t forget she’s wrecked many homes in her day.
This affair with Djimon was about revenge for me, Kola. I liked picturing her face (she looks like that winking snail at Benihana Restaurant) just as Djimon made me climax. It filled me with such cheer and joy to know that every time she kissed her husband–she would be kissing my privates. And for four years that’s exactly what Kimora kissed, my privates. But then again, being that Kimora is strongly bisexual…I’m sure that tid-bit isn’t phasing her.
Why did I want revenge on Kimora? That is coming up in this statement later. But for now, just be aware that I have NO REMORSE…none whatsoever…and that it was my intention to see Kimora’s marriage fail.
The American media giving me this opportunity to publicly humiliate her is just icing on the cake. I didn’t expect this at all.
Be aware that despite Russell’s denials (Russell Simmons, her mega-rich slimy turtle without a shell MOGUL ex-husband whose name she still uses instead of Djimon’s)…and despite Kimora’s and Djimon’s denials that they have broken up…let me tell you….they HAVE!!They are split; kaput; done. It doesn’t matter how many Photo Ops they stage or how many walks to Chuck E. Cheese they take with their children so everyone can photograph them smiling, their marriage is over.I’m sure people see me as shockingly evil…scary, jealous, disturbing…’what a bitch‘ people say. But in true Kola fashion, I don’t give a shit.I didn’t want to give an official statement. I wanted to fade out of this unpleasant story–but after Djimon gave a statement calling me a liar, I felt
forced to leave my own version of events.
Please do not send me any emails or letters about “Karma” or “the lord.”As someone who watched her parents murdered in front of her at the age of 6 and faced down brain cancer with a wide spate of other tragedies bogging her entire life (I’m 42)–I am not one for superstition and emotionalism steeped in moralizing.
I have lived and survived a life that is literally unbelievable and irrevocably traumatizing. I am a damaged person.
But I am also the most open and honest human being that I know.
When you call someone a liar, they have the right to tell their side of the story. To leave a record of their position, despite your prejudice and animosity against them. Though the newspapers have written quite a bit about me “breaking up Kimora’s Un-marriage“….I have not given a formal statement detailing the facts as I see them until now.
I am not doing this to keep shit going…I am doing this because Djimon Hounsou’s scared *I have to protect my image* self gave a statement calling me a liar (though he never mentioned me by name, that is what he did).
Because Djimon gave a statement, I now have to give a detailed rebuttal. If he had not talked about me, I would not be still talking about him and Kimora.
My hope is that after this Formal Statement, I will be done feuding with Djimon, Kimora and Russell Simmons and they will not mention my name or cause me to get back in the speeding lane with them. Regardless of how much power they think they have….I, the unknown entity, am more powerful than all of them.
There is a name for women like Kimora Lee Simmons—not —that I’d use it outside of a kennel.Which means I’m going to refrain from calling my dear sister the “B” word today. In honor of Kimora’s brand of fake sisterhood and hyperbole Fabulosity…I’m going to try and be less vicious than I’ve typically been on Twitter. . . – Full Statement here.